Poop Scoopin' Boogie

“Here we go, dosey-do, come on baby push that wheel barrow. Cadillac, Black-Jack, baby meet me out back we’re goin’ muckin’. Doin’ the poop scoopin’ boogie.” I have read that the average horse excretes about fifty pounds of waste each and every day. I really think that my horses have found a way to defy the scientific law of conservation of mass. They somehow create matter that I am obligated to scoop up and remove in a timely fashion. Output seems to exceed input, or have I just forgotten all the input? Let’s see, five pounds of oats and corn, twelve pounds of hay, ten gallons of water that is about seven pounds per gallon, half the straw bale I bedded the stall with the night before that it felt compelled to eat during the night, and half a wooden plank (not sure if all of the plank was consumed or if some was destroyed in a tiff with our neighbor during the night) makes up most of the input. Output consists of two wheelbarrows full of muck, one wheelbarrow full of wooden splinters, and half a water bucket of a stinky mixture of water, oats, hay, and a road apple or two.
Input equals output? Either way, it is my and my family’s sweat that has hauled it in, oats, straw, wooden planks, water buckets, water; and it is my sweat along with my two indentured servants (that’s the catchy name my kids like to call themselves in the barn) that have hauled it out. Oh, I can’t forget my husband’s contribution to this endeavor. He drives the tractor baling hay. He uses the loader tractor to scoop up the manure I have hauled out of the barn by hand and dumps it into the manure spreader. And he then has to drive the tractor and spreader across the field. His manual labor consists of running the hydraulic levers and engaging the PTO lever. I worry he may get carpal tunnel.
The poop scoopin boogie requires the right tools- wheel barrow, five tine fork, and rake; the right attitude- just think of the fine workout I am getting without paying the health club price; and the right company- quality time with my friends and family where we talk while scoopin’ muck and pushin’ wheel barrows. Want to get to know your what your teen is thinking? Clean eight stalls regularly with them. They initially protest and decide not to speak to you, but by stall two the silence is broken and you soon learn about their day at school, how things are going with their friends, and what their plans are. It is even okay for a hug because you both smell like horse manure so neither notice.
Sometimes the poop scoopin’ boogie is done as a solo act, usually in the middle of rodeo season or right before the big dance recital. But poop scoopin’ solo is okay too. After a long day at work that is more mind tiring than body tiring, poop scoopin can be therapeutic. You fall into a rhythm of scoopin’, raking, and pushing and soon your mind wanders since not a lot of thinking goes into stall mucking. You have time to reflect and think. You can contemplate what you have done or need to do. If you need to release some anger or frustration you can throw the scoop a little harder on the wheelbarrow. You can practice that tough talk you need to have with your boss out loud. Horses make great listeners. Or you can turn up the radio and sing out loud while you work. The horses won’t mind, but if the dog starts to whine you may need to tone it down a bit.
I guess I should thank my horses for the 50 pounds a day. It allows me to bond with my kids, get a work out, and contemplate life. And my dear husband, thank you too. I know there is far more that you do then just run the tractor. Thank you to my kids, sister-in-law, and brother for all your help doin’ the poop scoopin’ boogie.